what a week.

so. it's been a week. probably the most stressful i've ever had. ever.

sometime early last week (sunday?) jeff says he really feels funny and 'not right'. he continues to work and do his regular things, even going to class on monday night. looking back, i can't believe he was driving.

i went walking with moon on wednesday morning {it's getting easier, btw} and we went to lunch afterwards. jeff calls and says he's going to see his doctor just to get checked out because he still doesn't feel right and now he says he's dizzy too. ::sigh::

he gets to his doctor and wasn't there but a few minutes before they want to send him to the ER at UK. jeff calls me and tells me the situation and that i don't need to come in but that he'll call me later. i think ok, this must not be too bad. right? great. good. really glad about that.

the next call i get is from jeff's ICU nurse at UK Good Sam. she starts with, "hello, mrs. eller? this is lena. i'm your husbands nurse and he's being sent to the ICU. when you get here i will take you to him and explain what's going on." {she does mention that he's doing okay but gives me no information at that point}

when i got that call i was standing in the middle of the street talking with my neighbors, talking about grass and how we hate yard work. benign conversation in comparison. definitely.

after the call i can't tell you how i felt. it was this internal emotional pull going on. i was jumpy and wanted to shout out why is this happening and pray and cry at the same time. i have to tell you that in light of my past situations {that have never been anything like this} i think i did okay. so i'm getting better, right? i hope anyway.

i digress.

so i get the kids settled, my neighbor came to my rescue and got them dinner. i was really appreciative of all her help. {thank you rhonda! -- makes you think of that song, right? help help me rhonda? lol} and i headed to the hospital. didn't call anyone other than my bff because i didn't know how this was going to go and she has a way of making things very calm. {her best attribute, btw}

i get to the hospital and lena takes me to the ICU floor where i find my 42 year old, never-been-in-a-hospital husband hooked up to all sorts of monitors and getting ready to get IV #2. {totally freaked me out} i got the chance to talk to his cardiologist {who introduces himself to me as "david" --which made me love him right off. i mean what chief of cardio do you know who gives you his first name as a call sign? yeah. none. but it gave me that feeling that we were friends and we would get through this}. he tells me that jeff's heart is out of rhythm and needs medication but if that doesn't work we'll "shock" it back into good sinus. {my mind was reeling. i can't imagine how jeff was feeling right now.}they would monitor him through the night, giving him this medication {cardezim} and if that didn't work he would bring in another cardiologist to do several procedures on his heart. he also talked about the reasons for the irregularity was due to low potassium and a high level of stress. ::sigh:: by the way, we had such amazing care at UK, that i really don't think we'd go anywhere else from here on out. it was truly fantastic.

i won't go into all of the horrible things that went on while they were trying to get his second IV going, but let's just say that his arms are literally purple, black, blue and yellow. ::sigh:: more than 14 tries and 4 nurses all with no luck. what a mess. bless his heart.

jeff's mom and aunt rushed in late wednesday night to be with him on thursday. we were both glad they came. that night our close friends, the jones' kept the girls and our other friends, the cissell's took nathaniel. we have such precious friends. they all came to our rescue at our time of need. so so blessed. {i'd also like to mention that both of these families have a lot of kids! one has four -- with a 3 mos old --and the other has three, so to take on our kids was just supernatural stuff. love you all!}

early on thursday morning we prepared for the internal ultrasound of his heart and then they would find out if there were any clots and if everything was clear then they'd go on with the plan to get his heart back in rhythm. during this time i was in the waiting room and they began to sedate him. i think this was the scariest time for me. i had every emotion going on and the thought of not having him in my life, even though this was a remote possibility, still made me so scared. sure, it's all in God's will. yeah i get that, but i'm pretty selfish and i certainly don't think that God needs him as people will often say when people die. i'm not one of those who thinks that way. i'm more like sally fields from steel magnolias where she says that we need him here. remember that scene? powerful to say the least. anyway, that's the way i feel. so just the idea that my husband of nearly seventeen years might not be around just wasn't on the table.

it makes me realize how important he is to me. i've always known this. he's my best friend and honestly, i knew from the moment we had that first date back on december 26th of 92' that he was the one. i was lucky. not everyone is as lucky as i have been and although we have struggles like every other couple we know that in the end we're in this together. that's really all that counts.

everything turned out just fine and his cardio doctors did a fabulous job. it was difficult to come into his ICU room and see him but i was so relieved that he would be okay. when his doctor asked him how he was feeling {he was still sedated but coming out of it}, jeff replies with, "that was so much fun. let's do that again." lol i'm not sure if he'll remember that but it made everyone laugh. then he asked if he could get "the shirt" lol cracked me up!

i know my post is somewhat of a ramble and there's much more to the story, but i've been writing it over a series of days so i hope that it makes sense {a little}. really the bottom line is that we should never take a day in this life for granted. it can be gone in an instant. as i sit here on my bed writing this i listen to jeff's quiet breathing and think how grateful i am to have him in my life. his doctors did say that there's a good chance this could happen again so jeff's going to begin taking things a bit easier on himself. :) i love him so.

jeff was able to come home late thursday and he's been resting ever since. he's very weak but will be back to his normal self soon. for me, i'll be getting back to work on monday so i'm about a week behind. if you're waiting on something, it will be shipped out soon. my goal is to have everything off my table by next friday. it's been a crazy time around here and i am so thankful to all of you who've sent me emails. i was overwhelmed with your kindness and it touched my heart more than you'll ever know. :) thank you so much.

another big thing happened today. our first born turned thirteen. may he have a wonderful year in this the first of many teenage years! :) we are so blessed to have such a wonderful family. i might complain now and then {okay all the time lol} but really i think they're each so precious and they make me laugh every single day.
hugs to you all. :)